Rape

I went out with my boyfriend Jason and we had a huge fight. He got really pissed off and left. I didn’t want to go with him cos I was really angry at him, so I stayed at the party.

Someone came up to me and asked how I was doing, came across all nice and concerned about me. We talked for an hour or so, and then he offered to give me a lift home. I was still messed up in the head about Jason leaving so I said “sure, thanks”. We started in the right direction, but then he took a wrong turn and parked in a dark street – he raped me in the car, it was disgusting. I kept pushing him and telling him to leave me alone but he wouldn’t.

Then he drove me home. I can’t believe it, as if nothing had happened. I was numb. I got in the flat and just cried. It was really late but I needed to talk to someone so I called my girlfriend Sal.

Sal was great. She said “wait there, I’m coming over”. I don’t know how I would have coped without her. She made a few calls for me and then someone from the rape crisis centre suggested we visit the local sexual assault service. There was one at the hospital close to my place, so we went there to talk to them.

I didn’t know how to tell Jason what happened. I didn’t know how he’d respond so I just wouldn’t talk to him anymore, I couldn’t handle telling him. I still haven’t talked to him about it, and I couldn’t face telling the police, but the social worker was really nice. She put into words what I was feeling. I’ve seen her quite a few times, and it’s good to know there’s someone there who understands and doesn’t blame me for the whole thing.

I kept asking “Was it my fault?” and thinking “I shouldn’t have gone with him” and “I was dressed kind of sexy”. But that was cos I wanted to look good for Jason. They never once blamed me, and said it wasn’t about what I did or wore – that lots of women get sexually assaulted when they’re not wearing sexy clothes too. They said he made a play for me and took advantage of me in the worst way. They were great.