I've been married for 14 years. We have two kids. I've known for a long time that things were not right in our relationship. I've caught him several times looking at gay porn on the internet and buying gay porn movies and books. It scares me that he is attracted to young looking guys. Not little boys but older teens and college age guys. We are both 35 years old. To me anyone younger than I am is still a kid. He has tried to deny everything I've ever caught him doing. He finally admitted that he had these feelings and he couldn't control it. He says he's sorry and he's going to make a change but things only calm down for a awhile and then I get that feeling like something is going on and I usually find out that I'm right. He only wants sex with me occasionally and it's not very passionate. I just caught him again this week. He dropped our son off at practice and went to a hotel to meet with what he tells me was a woman but I don't believe that. He says he backed out and nothing happened. I checked his cell phone and the time on the hotel receipt I found. I'm not sure, he could be telling the truth about nothing happening. But, I told him it didn't matter because the intent was there and to me that is still cheating. We had a long and painfull talk. He told me a few months ago that things happened to him when was a child but he couldn't tell me about it and he needed help but he never checked into it. When we had our talk I told him the only thing that could start to make things right was he had to tell me the truth and stop trying to lie about things even after I have the proof right in my hands. He sat where he didn't have to look at me and told me that his step brother made him have oral sex with him from age 9 to around 16. He said after someone makes you do something for so long you start to think it's OK. He wants to have no strings attached oral sex only with men. He can't explain why he has these feelings. He said he loves me and he wants to be with me forever. He wants me to help him but how can I love and help someone who has hurt me and lied to me so many times? I feel like we are best friends and something inside tells me that I am supposed to be with him and help him. I not only hurt for myself but my heart truly aches for him as well. The problem is that I can't trust him and I don't know when he's lying or telling the truth. I'm not sure what kind of counseling he needs. Sex addiction? Child abuse vicitm? Sexual abuse victim? or Habitual liar?
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